welcome to my world

I just loved July 2008. Awesome month. Full of too many good things for one month in my opinion. I mean I'm normally someone who likes to spread things out. Too much excitement in one go normally tilts me off my axis and I lose touch with myself and reality. Some spontaneity, on the other hand, is often what I need and I've learnt through my month of strangeness that it can often allow many rewards to spring my way. Ironic that it's also produced the weirdest and longest indepth analysis of myself.

So despite some of the things I've endured, the bad possibles and even worse male friends, I find myself craving more. I decided that I would try to tame myself in certain areas, get myself back on track. But maybe I don't need to. Maybe this really is the new me, and I've changed too much already to turn back. I'm feeling like I should embrace it. This is the year of change afterall...

I was floating on cloud nine when I jumped off the train and headed up the hill home. My latest new cd was on play - my perfect summer tracks. In the perfect mood to celebrate, have a few drinks and slope off home after dark. Something happened in the transition between food and tv. I became tired and restless. And now after enjoying a quiet night in relaxing I feel deflated.

After everything that's happened this week, my mind seems to have shut down parts of itself. And yet he still creeps into my mind unwanted. I don't miss him. Stopped loving him the minute I woke up to the truth. If I let it, the anger can flare inside, but I don't like to indulge in that. I gave The Other One a piece of advice yesterday and felt like I was talking to myself.

Don't let the past ruin the future.

I could have done with a drink with Buddy.